National Portrait Gallery, Smithsonian Institution
AD/NPG.77.9 The Chimney is too Small
Republican Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson conceded today that, while very much alive in spirit, Santa Claus “may not exist totally” as a real flesh and blood being. Surveys show that by the age of 10, approximately 99 percent of children worldwide have accepted this view. Johnson is 65.
Johnson’s announcement did not stop him from convening a hearing of his Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs to advance conspiracy theories intended to muddle the issue.
At the hearing, Fox News personality Sean Hannity charged that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had personally “taken out” Santa in a Navy SEAL style midnight raid on the North Pole earlier this year. “Yeah, he doesn’t exist!” shouted Hannity. “Not anymore. The socialists killed him!”
Other Wisconsin Republicans took up the same theme but with a local twist. In a tweet, Assembly Speaker Robin Vos wrote, “Just want the kids of WI to know. If they don’t get everything they want this year it’s b/c Tony Evers murdered Santa. Died of broken heart when guv took down GOP !!CHRISTMAS!! tree.”
A Johnson spokesperson was quick to point out that while the senator has accepted the likely outcome of the Santa question and has grudgingly accepted the results of the November presidential election, he still firmly believes that global climate change is a hoax.
