Dear Tell All: I’ve had a lot of girlfriends. Some have broken up with me, and in other cases I’m the one who ended the relationship. I’m used to it and have no trouble moving on.
But for the first time, I’ve just been dumped for a woman. And it stings.
I’d been with my girlfriend for a few months and thought she was straight. We certainly never had any problems in the bedroom. Things were going great until she abruptly told me she liked a woman we’d both recently met.
I’m not proud of my response. I have gay friends and didn’t think I had a homophobic bone in my body. But I lashed out at my girlfriend and said things I regret. Now she’s not answering calls or texts, even though I apologized.
I admit I’m having trouble getting over this. It feels like a negation — like I’m inadequate as a man and a sexual partner. I send a text every once in a while asking her what I did wrong and hope that one day she’ll stop being an a-hole and answer me. In the meantime, I’m wondering how to fix my damaged ego.
Male Man
Dear Male Man: You need to ask yourself who’s the real a-hole here. Given that you lashed out at your ex-girlfriend, and that you continue sending her unwanted texts, it could well be you.
My advice is to treat the relationship the way you’ve treated all your others. If you’re really not homophobic, you shouldn’t see your ex-girlfriend’s interest in women as a comment on your male prowess. You should treat this like a normal breakup.
In other words, Male Man, you should simply do what you claim to be so good at: moving on.
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