Dear Tell All: I’ve been involved with a fellow political activist for a few months after having known and admired him for most of the 2010s. We traveled in the same local circles, working on campaigns for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mary Burke and other liberal candidates. He’s a feminist, an environmentalist, a passionate advocate for civil rights. It turns out he’s also kind of a shit.
I have to admit I didn’t see it coming. I got to know him during the protests against Gov. Scott Walker’s Act 10 and developed a huge crush. He was not only good-looking, smart and confident, but also deeply respectful of women — in other words, a dream partner, if only he were available.
Last year, I learned that he’d broken up with his longtime girlfriend. I wasted no time moving in, and soon we were a thing. After a blissful start, however, disillusionment has set in.
I’ve come to find out that, for all his feminist ideals, he’s selfish as hell. He does whatever he wants, my needs be damned. And if I have a problem with his behavior, he has no interest in hearing about it. Wouldn’t a true feminist take pains to at least listen to his partner’s concerns? Good luck pinning this guy down for an honest conversation about our relationship.
Two questions: 1) What should I do, and 2) why are self-proclaimed feminist men the worst boyfriends?
Disgusted Again
Dear Disgusted: Let’s take question two first. Sad to say, but hypocrisy cuts across all ideological boundaries. A self-proclaimed feminist man who treats women terribly behind closed doors is in the same category as a self-proclaimed holy man who sins behind closed doors. Alas, it’s a type. If you’ve gotten involved with this kind of man over and over, it’s no surprise that you signed yourself “Disgusted Again.”
So I’ll grant the point that hypocritical self-proclaimed feminist men are the worst boyfriends. But take heart, Disgusted, because some self-proclaimed feminist men truly are feminists. Maybe you haven’t met them yet, but they’re out there — and one of them is waiting just for you.
That brings me to question one. To find your true feminist man, you have to dump your fake feminist man. And while you’re at it, spread the word about this hypocrite. It sounds like his reputation deserves a hit so future potential girlfriends know what they’re getting into.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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