Dear Tell All: I’ve just been through a depressing series of family reunions and work get-togethers. The goal at each of these events is to make polite conversation — but nobody seems to know how to do that anymore.
I find myself wondering: What’s so hard about it? You simply ask people questions about themselves, chat about current events, and swap stories, right? You speak in moderation, listen to others, and respond graciously.
Apparently, this is a lost art in the 2010s. People at my recent events have put no effort into interacting. I did my damnedest to draw them out, inquire about their lives, and bring up subjects of mutual interest. But it was like pulling teeth, and God forbid they would reciprocate by asking what I’ve been up to.
Along with the people who have nothing to say, these events featured those with way too much to say — and only on the subject of themselves. They nattered on while barely noticing that anybody else was there.
What’s a polite person to do in this impolite era? And how am I going to make it through the next family reunion and the next work get-together, both of which are on the calendar for later this summer? I’ve come to dread such (un)social events.
Please and Thank You
Dear Please and Thank You: What’s a polite person to do in this impolite era? Exactly what you’re doing: modeling better behavior. It’s possible that people will pick up on your example and learn something about social graces. Even if they don’t, you can feel good about yourself by taking the high road. Don’t give into the temptation to sink to their level.
It’s worth noting that the events where you’re suffering — family reunions and work get-togethers — are compulsory. You can’t control the guest list, and you probably can’t opt out. So get through them as best you can while planning other social events with people of your own choosing: those with a true interest in what you’ve been up to. Maybe you and your polite friends can plot a comeback for civility in the 2020s.
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