Dear Tell All: My husband and I recently hosted my daughter’s wedding here in Madison. It was a big event in a stately setting, and we pulled out the stops for our only child. She and her groom had a wonderful time, and I think everyone else did too. But there was one glitch that I can’t get out of my mind.
The groom — whom we love — is from a rural part of the state, as are most of his family and friends. While he wore a smart tuxedo, my daughter a lovely gown, and the guests from our side of the family formal attire, the majority of the groom’s side made no attempt to dress up. True, his parents and siblings looked presentable. But others wore street clothes and athletic shoes — and in one case even a T-shirt.
I’m not a snob, and I understand that some people can’t afford high-end fashions. But I do blame these guests for being disrespectful. Couldn’t the men have thrown on a tie and the women a dress, even thrift-store versions? Couldn’t they have made even a modest effort to do justice to the occasion?
I haven’t shared these feelings with anyone but my husband and probably never will. I’m writing just to get it out of my system so I can stop thinking about it. Am I justified in being disappointed with this blot on an otherwise perfect wedding?
Regrets Only
Dear Regrets Only: I can’t tell you not to be disappointed. You put a lot of effort into your daughter’s wedding, and you feel how you feel.
But I do suggest getting over your disappointment as quickly as you can. And you can do that by putting things in perspective. You admit that the bride, the groom and the guests had a wonderful time. You admit that you love your daughter’s partner. In that context, why obsess about something as trivial as athletic shoes and T-shirts?
I’d also suggest honestly examining your comment about not being a snob. If looking down on rural folks’ clothing isn’t snobbery, what is? Some people put no value on ties and dresses, Regrets Only, and that doesn’t make them any less honorable. Hey, they showed up to celebrate your daughter’s union — what better effort could they make?
I’m glad you got this complaint out of your system. Now take your own advice and stop thinking about it.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com.
