Jackie, Craig's feisty character, dishes about her sexcapades at local cafes like Lazy Jane's.
Hussy, floozy, strumpet, slut: So many colorful words have been invented to weaken a woman's power by condemning her sexual past, even without knowledge of her actual behavior. Many of these terms come from the Victorian Era, when a lady's virtue was measured by her aloofness. Desires -- material, sexual and otherwise -- were the province of fallen women, the lowest of the low. Yet "slut" gets tossed around as much as a hacky sack at a pot rally in Madison, more than a century later. The word seriously needs a makeover.
Interestingly, a man is one of the people leading the charge to help "slut" become a word of power, beauty and virtue. He's Ben Fritz, creator of The Ethical Slut, a YouTube series that completed its third season this fall and recently joined the Kinsey Institute's archives. The show follows the escapades of two Madison women, Dotty and Jackie. Dotty's a somewhat timid family therapist who tends toward PC language and spends lots of time at the Willy Street Co-op. Jackie, her best friend, is a well-heeled real estate agent who lives on the west side, near Blackhawk Country Club. Unlike Dotty, Jackie is feisty, bawdy and sometimes abrasive. The women's differences challenge them to step outside their respective comfort zones, especially when they begin experimenting with polyamory, the practice of having multiple romantic partners at the same time, with each participant's consent.
"The show's loosely based on The Ethical Slut, a book about polyamory by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy that is cherished by the LGBT community," Fritz says. "But our series tells a story, whereas the book is more of relationship communication manual. The series follows two women as they begin a journey of open relationships here in Madison."
Fritz calls the show a comedic piece of fiction but notes that its subject matter is rooted in reality, including OkCupid statistics suggesting that a high percentage of locals have tried open relationships.
Members of the crew have seen the phenomenon on OkCupid as well.
"When we started shooting The Ethical Slut, I was single. On dating websites like OkCupid, I came across lots of people in the poly community and went on dates with a few of them. It's more common than I ever knew," says Brian Alberth, the show's director of photography.
Actor Dana Pellebon was eager to join the project because she practices polyamory and wants to dispel misconceptions about it.
"The book The Ethical Slut came out in 1997, and it's been revolutionary. Laying out a framework for polyamorous relationships, showing that they can be ethical, and saying it's okay to do things like love more than one person and choose your own sexuality, that's radical. It's not something you see a lot of on mainstream television," she says. "So there are some huge misconceptions that need addressing, like thinking that because someone is poly they want to sleep with everyone and can't be monogamous. In actuality, polyamory limits you a bit because you want to focus on your relationships and communicate extremely well with everybody involved."
Polyamory certainly isn't for everyone, and neither is The Ethical Slut. It's hard enough to nurture a single marriage or friendship, let along take care of oneself. Intimacy doesn't come naturally to everyone, either. But watching the characters grapple with the logistics of dating multiple people is entertaining and challenging. It gets you thinking about what it means to live an honest life, no matter how you do relationships. The show reads as an ode to diversity as well, stressing how a one-size-fits-all approach isn't ideal for many areas of life, including romance, family and politics.
From Tinseltown to Mad City
Fritz, a Madison native, launched a filmmaking career in L.A., working on the Will Smith film The Pursuit of Happyness and the web series Cynthia Watros Gets Lost while developing a circle of actor friends. But he returned home to produce The Ethical Slut, in part because he wanted to spread a message about acceptance and honesty, even if it meant fewer paid jobs as an actor and filmmaker.
"Living authentically is of more value than having pockets stuffed with money," he says. "In the past I'd feel like I was dying a little bit inside when I wasn't being open about who I am or about things like sexual orientation. If we can encourage a more honest way of relating to one another, that's success."
Fritz brought some L.A. friends to Madison to star in the show, including UW alum Melissa Nearman (Dotty), Betsy Kruse Craig (Jackie) and Trevor LaPaglia (Bodhi, Jackie's yoga instructor and boyfriend). Fritz plays Don, Dotty's husband. If this were a big-budget production, someone like Sex and the City's Kristin Davis might play Dotty, and a Debra Messing type might portray Jackie. But the lack of star power makes the story shine brighter. Though some of the out-of-town actors have appeared in popular stage shows and big-name TV programs like One Life to Live, they inhabit their characters rather than playing themselves. Other performers, such as Pellebon and Meghan Rose, are familiar faces from community theater productions and the local music scene. With the help of area businesses like Lazy Jane's and HotelRed, where some scenes are set, the actors paint a portrait of Madison that's convincing and often funny.
Much of the show's humor stems from the awkwardness certain characters feel when trying to express their feelings about polyamory, or when realizing they don't know themselves very well anymore. Confusion breeds giggle-inducing chaos in several of the show's five-minute episodes. Other moments adopt tropes from the Afterschool Special world, then turn them on their heads. A character is discovered to be a drug dealer, his girlfriend freaks out and dumps him, then he makes some dumb and dramatic decisions. It's campy fun that leads to a revelation for both him and the woman he hurt.
The Ethical Slut also examines the tension between the cultures of Madison's east and west sides. This seems a bit trite at first, yet it soon becomes an invitation to dissect stereotypes about different parts of town. Dotty wears hippie-ish clothes, talks about feelings in self-help terms and lives in a bohemian bungalow near Willy Street, but she seems more buttoned-up than Jackie. Despite her tailored blazers, Pilates lessons and Type A personality traits, Jackie's more in touch with her desires. She's also more apt to blow a fuse or have an impromptu roll in the hay.
"I particularly enjoy Jackie because of her volatility, and because I had the pleasure of working with Betsy on stage many years ago. She burned a hole in my memory," Fritz explains. "When we were creating the Jackie part, I was like, 'She is the one.' She's the character we created to be a bit more immature in the concept of open relationships, and yet seductive at the same time. She goes through a journey of figuring out whether polyamory is really for her."
Other characters make more startling discoveries. One reveals that he's gay in the first season, while another discovers that her sexual orientation is more fluid than she'd previously thought. These moments add tension and humor to the proceedings, especially when the characters' friends and family members hear the news.
Sexual politics
The Ethical Slut isn't all witty banter and harrowing discussions about sexual identity. It's also a platform for Fritz and his collaborators to highlight some of the policies and politics they support and oppose. Characters that visit Dotty's therapy practice introduce some of the show's more political topics, such as gay marriage. For instance, a young gay man who works at the Capitol laments that LGBT people have to prove to the rest of the world that they can have a "perfect" committed relationship, something he considers an impossible ideal.
"If we get to do a season four, I'd like to do a coming-out story," Fritz says, "and I'd really like to look at the issue of race, which is huge in Madison."
A Kickstarter campaign helped fund earlier seasons of the show, but Fritz hasn't decided whether to try for a fourth season.
Fritz and Pellebon would like to film additional episodes, simply because more education about difference and acceptance is needed. Though Fritz doesn't identify as poly, he knows that others have suffered greatly for adopting the lifestyle.
"People have lost their jobs and had their children taken away because of coming out about being poly. It's something that might've happened to a person who came out as gay or lesbian in the '70s," he says.
As someone who's openly poly, Pellebon sometimes worries about discrimination from people who don't understand her choices.
"Discrimination still happens here in Madison," she says. "I often don't get great reactions to being poly. I used to worry about this a lot, especially when looking for jobs, but I eventually decided to live my life in the most open and truthful way I could. I won't be eligible for certain things, like some swanky jobs, but I get to be me and look for love in a way that feels right to me."
