David Michael Miller
"How many of your listeners really honestly are sure that Senator (Ron) Johnson was going to win re-election or President Trump was going to win Wisconsin if we didn’t have voter ID to keep Wisconsin’s elections clean and honest and have integrity?"
— Attorney General Brad Schimel, 4/12/2018, Vicki McKenna show
Wisconsin Attorney General Brad Schimel announced today that he is ordering 2,000 new keepsake coins with the inscription “Kicking Voters Off The Polls Every Day.”
The new tokens are a sequel to his wildly successful “Kicking Ass Every Day” coins, which he introduced a few years ago. Schimel invested $10,000 in Wisconsin taxpayer dollars to use the coins to reward hard working state justice department staff and local law enforcement officials for jobs well done
Those rewards have met with incredible success in the department.
“You know, for so many years I’ve worked so hard to protect our environment from polluters, not because of any personal political views or because I have an ax to grind — hell, I usually vote Republican — but because I just believe in the law,” said happy justice department veteran Jerry Smith. “And, yeah, I’ve been attacked by legislators as a ‘job killer,’ I’ve been told to back off from doing my job by Brad and I’ve seen my pay struggle just to keep up with inflation. But then the other day, Brad walked by and flipped one of those coins on my desk and said, ‘Hey, Terry, nice job,’ and it, I don’t know, just all suddenly seemed worth it.”
Now Schimel wants to build on that success with his new coin. “I mean, let’s face it, Trump is unqualified to be dog catcher and Johnson would cut the gruel ration in the poor house if he could,” Schimel said. “Of course, what I mean is that voter ID laws keep Wisconsin’s elections, you know, clean and honest,” Schimel said, while fighting a twitch that spasmodically closed his left eye.
The first lucky recipients of the new Kicking Voters Off the Polls Every Day coins won’t be justice department attorneys, but lawyers at Michael Best & Friedrich, who labored in secret to gerrymander legislative districts to ensure Republican control. “Maybe they didn’t literally keep people from voting, but they made their votes worthless and that’s just as good!” Schimel said.
