Dear Tell All: One of my best friends has become a Tinder zombie, and I fear he’s lost to me.
We used to have real intimacy. We’d go to movies, out to dinner or to parties and have a great time together, tuned in to one another’s wavelength. I treasured our conversations about life, relationships, fears, dreams.
Not anymore. My friend rarely looks me in the eye these days. He’s fixated on his cellphone, swiping left or right through the endless stream of potential hookups on Tinder. When I’m in the middle of discussing something I care about, I feel his attention slipping away.
If he’s not swiping, he’s messaging yet another hottie to arrange a meetup. It’s becoming clear that he cares about this cohort of strangers more than he does about me.
I’ve dropped hints about how unhappy I am. When we were out for drinks recently, I caught him glancing at his phone as I talked. I saw the telltale movement of his right shoulder that indicated swiping.
It was the last straw. I said, “You know, I’m feeling tired and should probably get home.” He didn’t apologize or try to stop me, but just said goodbye and left me to walk to my car by myself. He stayed in the bar so he could spend quality time with his app.
Should I try to salvage our relationship, or should I move on to someone who cares more about real people than about profile pictures?
Flesh-and-Blood Person
Dear Flesh-and-Blood Person: I’m not a fan of “dropping hints,” especially when it comes to make-or-break moments in a relationship. You call your walk-out at the bar “the last straw,” but I doubt your friend perceived it that way. He probably took you at your word and thought you were tired.
This is no time to be passive-aggressive. It’s time to be flat-out aggressive. You paint your friend as a decent person whose humanity is slipping away due to infernally tempting dating technology. In my view that’s an emergency, and emergencies call for heroic measures.
You should rise to the occasion and be a hero, Flesh-and-Blood Person. Slap the phone out of your friend’s hand and confront him about his behavior. Tell him he’s letting you down, and make sure he understands the consequences: the end of a valuable friendship.
If your friend responds by scrambling for his phone and swiping right, you’ll have your answer. He’s lost his soul, and you need to move on. But at least you’ll have lived up to the name “Flesh-and-Blood Person” — and in a world of Tinder zombies, that’s something you can feel proud of.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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