Dear Tell All: I’ve been watching the recent round of sexual assault accusations against Roy Moore, Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey, etc., and wondering if I will suffer the same fate — even though their alleged misdeeds are reprehensible and mine are not.
These boldface names are accused of harassment, rape, and other illegal actions. All I’ve done is express romantic interest in various women I work with. If it’s a crime simply to ask women out, I think we’ve reached a pathetic point in male-female relations.
I have a bad reputation among the women in my workplace because, apparently, I’ve approached too many of them. I’ve been single for a long time and admit that I’d like to find a partner. I’m not shy about asking my single coworkers to go out for a drink or for dinner to see if we might be compatible. Over the years, some have said yes, some have said no, and none of the dates has turned into anything serious. Most of the coworkers I’ve dated now treat me coolly in the office, but I consider that their problem, not mine. I am always professional at work and don’t let my personal feelings affect my job performance.
I’ve learned that my female coworkers warn new female employees to stay away from me. This seems deeply unfair since I’ve never been less than a gentleman on any of my dates. Things have gotten even worse since the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke and news has poured out about other celebrity harassers. I’ve felt increasing hostility from the women I work with, and I have reason to think one or more of them might complain about me to human resources.
Is there anything I can do to protect myself against an unwarranted accusation in this overheated environment?
Honorable Intentions
Dear Honorable Intentions: I can’t give you any legal advice, since I know only your side of the story and have a sneaking suspicion that you’re misrepresenting the situation. But I can offer a personal tip: knock off the Casanova act at work.
You insist you’re a gentleman and a professional, but the fact that multiple women disapprove of your behavior strongly suggests that something is amiss. Even assuming you haven’t engaged in sexual harassment as defined by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, your habit of asking out one coworker after another seems to have created an uncomfortable workplace environment. Post-Weinstein, I would applaud these women if they brought their concerns about you to human resources.
I deplore false accusations as much as you do, Honorable Intentions, but the arrogance and self-justification in your letter incline me to side with your accusers. If we’ve reached “a pathetic point in male-female relations,” as you claim, I’d recommend thinking hard about how you’ve contributed to the mess.
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