Dear Tell All: I’m a recent college graduate pondering my future. I studied computer science but also played guitar and sang around Madison. I didn’t like school as much as I liked music, and I got a good response from audiences and fellow musicians.
I’m involved in a serious relationship and am pondering that, too. My boyfriend is moving to Chicago for a teaching job, and we’re talking about getting a place together. I’m toying with the idea of doing music full-time and delaying other career plans. It seems like a perfect time to test out my singer-songwriter dreams, in a city with a robust music scene.
Disappointingly, my boyfriend has not been supportive. He won’t be making a lot of money, and he’s worried that I won’t make anything at all. He’s pushing me to look for a steady job related to my computer science degree.
He argues that I can do music in my spare time, but I don’t want to play as a hobby — I want to see if I can make it as a musician. That’s not going to happen with a full-time job.
I love my boyfriend and can imagine marrying him. Or, at least, I used to feel that way. He’s a practical person, and I understand his concerns. He wants us to establish ourselves in Chicago, earn enough to live in a decent place, and have kids. I’m down with all that, and yet....
What should I do? I’m anguishing over this conflict.
The Next Big Thing
Dear Next Big Thing: I’m sorry for your anguish, but this kind of conflict serves a useful purpose for someone in your position. You have to pay close attention to what’s going on between you and your boyfriend and draw the proper conclusions.
You’re a talented young woman with big ambitions, and that’s a beautiful thing. In my opinion, it’s way too soon to set aside your guitar and settle for a second-choice career. Computers will still be there if you can’t get a foothold in the Chicago music scene.
You see where I’m heading. If your boyfriend is standing in the way of happiness, don’t reject happiness; reject your boyfriend. You’re too young to settle for someone who tramples your dreams. Dump this guy and write a song about it.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com
