Dear Tell All: I’ve gotten involved with a woman who’s originally from a tiny town in rural Wisconsin. She’s become fairly urbane after having lived in Madison for about a decade, but her family is another story. They’re like characters from The Beverly Hillbillies, and I dread going out there on our dutiful monthly visits.
I’m from Chicago’s northern suburbs, and I feel like a fish out of water in this environment. My girlfriend’s mother makes heavy Dairy State food that I can’t bring myself to eat, including pies dripping with lard. Her father tells long, boring stories about growing up on a farm. The house is always cluttered, and it smells kind of like cows. My girlfriend is apologetic about dragging me out there.
My question is: Can I suggest that we stop going to visit them so often? In the beginning of our relationship I went out of politeness, but how long am I required to keep that up? The country kinfolk are driving me crazy.
North Shore
Dear North Shore: Are you ready for a news flash? The problem is not them — it’s you. Your sense of superiority is ruining any chance of a connection between you and your girlfriend’s parents. Rather than seeing them as people, you see them as country caricatures and imagine that they’re beneath you. Meanwhile, they are apparently magnanimous enough to move beyond suburban caricatures to treat you civilly, rather than looking down on you as smug and complacent. Which, to judge from your letter, you most certainly are.
What you have here, North Shore, is an opportunity to build your character. Here are three easy steps:
1. Eat the pie and tell your girlfriend’s mother that you’re grateful she made it for you.
2. Pay attention to her father’s stories and try to learn something about a person whose experiences are different from yours.
3. Stop giving your girlfriend a hard time about visits home. Start out by pretending that you’re happy to accompany her there. In time, perhaps you will be.
Overcoming your prejudice will count as a significant achievement in your life — a much more satisfying achievement than alienating your girlfriend from her parents.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
