Dear Tell All: Every year my husband and I fight over what to do on New Year’s Eve. He considers it necessary to party hearty, and I don’t. This year, I really want to stay home with our fifth-grader and blow noisemakers with her at midnight — just the three of us in front of the TV.
I’ve always gone along with my husband to clubs and parties on New Year’s Eve, even though I never enjoy it very much. For me, the holiday gets progressively less fun as everybody gets wasted. I also recoil from the idea of enforced good times. To my husband, New Year’s Eve is a night out that has to be better than every other night out. It’s tense when the stakes are that high, and I resent it when he implies that I’m not having the proper amount of fun.
So I finally put my foot down. I proposed staying home with our daughter rather than abandoning her on this special night. He blew up, and we had a bigger fight than usual. He argued that the two of us can stay home with our daughter on any other night of the year.
He’s been sulking ever since, and my daughter is picking up on the tension. I’m considering giving in just to make this problem go away. What would you do?
Homebody
Dear Homebody: If I were you, I wouldn’t give in. Your husband is being a bully, and it’s never good to let bullies have their way.
From what I can tell, he’s gotten his way every New Year’s Eve since you’ve known him, and you’ve gone along with it to make him happy. That’s a charitable impulse, but now it’s his turn to be charitable toward you. This year, for a change, you should have the New Year’s Eve experience that will make you happy.
Try turning your husband’s argument back on him: The two of you can go out and party on any other night of the year. If he continues to give you a hard time, your New Year’s resolution will write itself: addressing a serious problem in your marriage.
But I hope it doesn’t come to that, Homebody. Here’s hoping for a cozy night in front of the TV and makeup kisses at midnight.
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