Dear Tell All: I have a friend who likes pop culture as much as I do. We’ve always had a great time talking about books, music and movies. The problem is that he asks to borrow my stuff and often doesn’t return it.
A couple years ago I told him how much I loved Patti Smith’s memoir Just Kids. He asked to borrow it, and I still haven’t gotten it back. The same thing happened with a Bob Dylan bootleg album and Roz Chast’s book Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? It’s become a tremendous source of tension, at least for me. I’ve begun to feel resentful every time we’re together. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk to him about pop culture anymore, for fear he’ll ask for something else of mine.
It’s true that I could just demand that he return my stuff, but I’m too polite for that. I don’t want to make him feel bad. I just wish he had similar concern for my feelings.
The two of us recently went to see the Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night at the UW-Madison Cinematheque, and afterward he asked me if he could borrow my DVD of Yellow Submarine. I grudgingly gave it to him, but from my perspective it’s screwed up the tension between us yet another notch.
I admit to having no idea what’s going on in his head. Is he keeping my stuff on purpose? Is he just forgetful? Is he just inconsiderate?
Tell All, do you have any advice about handling this awkward situation?
Soft Touch
Dear Soft Touch: Your friend’s behavior is not admirable, but neither is yours. Why are you so worried about sparing his feelings? If you simply spoke up and asked him to return the items he borrowed, the tension would disappear and your friendship would return to normal. Sorry, Soft Touch, but your hesitation does not suggest politeness so much as cowardice.
And by the way, when you get Just Kids back, could I borrow it?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI, 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
