Dear Tell All: My wife and I divorced about a year ago, and I find myself “on the market” for the first time in almost 30 years. I’ve gone through the motions of trying to meet women, mostly through dating apps. But I’m getting the impression that, in my 50s, my sexual years are over.
It’s not that I lack sexual drive. I still enjoy looking at women, and I masturbate regularly. The problem comes when I’m face to face with a real woman and sex seems like a possibility. The few times that’s happened in the past year, I’ve shied away from it.
Mostly, it’s that I just don’t feel sexy anymore. At this stage of life, I’ve lost hair and gained weight. I look in the mirror and feel awful about what I see. The women I’ve dated also look their age. Let’s face it — those of us in our 50s are not exactly objects of desire.
I do crave companionship, which is why I’ve continued dating despite the seeming impossibility of physical intimacy. Should I just give up on the pretense of a sexual relationship, making it clear in my profile that I seek a platonic partner?
Old and Gray
Dear Old and Gray: Don’t touch that profile. After only a year and a few so-so dates, you’re already giving up on the possibility of a sexual relationship? You’re throwing in the towel decades too soon, my friend.
Who says people in their 50s aren’t objects of desire? Halle Berry? Brad Pitt? Vanessa Williams? Hugh Grant? Julianne Moore? George Clooney? They’re all hot, and you can be too if you change your attitude. Get to the gym and shed the extra weight. Stop moaning about your thinning hair and act like it doesn’t matter — because it doesn’t if you shore up your self-confidence.
You also need to change your attitude about women your age. If you tell yourself you’ll never be attracted to them, you surely won’t be. If it requires extra effort to establish a satisfying physical relationship with someone, then put in the time. Your soulmate is out there, but you’ll never find her if you resign yourself to masturbation.
Finally, stop referring to yourself as “Old and Gray.” From here on out, it’s “Young for My Age.”
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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