Dear Tell All: My boyfriend of two years has a strong sex drive, as do I. Both of us also have a kinky streak. We’ve openly explored each other’s fetishes, with no judgment on either side. This has made our sex life edgy and experimental and always exciting.
Lately, however, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with one of my boyfriend’s favorite fantasies. He frequently asks me to playact a bimbo. This involves putting on a pushup bra, a miniskirt, stockings, spike heels, and a blonde wig. It’s not the clothes that bother me, though — it’s the fact that I’m supposed to act dumb.
In my boyfriend’s fantasy, I use a breathy Marilyn Monroe voice and talk like an airhead. The stupider I sound, the more turned on he gets. I can’t believe I’m saying this, given the other extreme scenarios we’ve explored, but I’m starting to find his bimbo fetish demeaning.
I brought it up to him recently, putting my discomfort in the context of contemporary events. In the Trump era of “Lock her up” and “Grab ‘em by the pussy,” I feel bad acting like a dumb broad — and even worse about the fact that he likes it so much.
His response was disappointing. He fought for preserving this part of our sex life, insisting that it’s just a fantasy with no implications for how he really feels about women.
I’m not sure whether to escalate my resistance. I don’t want to ruin the special connection between us in the bedroom, but I also don’t want to feel forced into anything. What should I do?
Game
Dear Game: You’re not the one threatening to ruin the special connection between you and your boyfriend. He is.
Your sex life has been great because both of you enjoyed exploring these fetishes. But as soon as one person feels uneasy about a particular fantasy, it needs to leave the repertoire. Your boyfriend has no right to put his pleasure over your sense of self.
Let’s assume his bimbo fetish has no implications for how he really feels about women. Even so, his failure to respect your discomfort is evidence of a bad boyfriend. I hate to tell you, Game, but it might be time to start fantasizing about other guys.
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