Dear Tell All: Over the past couple years I’ve gotten into researching my family background through all the new tools available on the internet. It started out as a fun hobby but has lately turned kind of weird.
The first distressing development was finding unsavory elements in my family tree. We’re all solid citizens now, and I’ve always been proud of our family’s achievements. But a few generations back I discovered evidence of criminal behavior in more than one ancestor, some of it really bad.
That was followed by my discovery of a previously unknown cousin through a DNA match. I located him on social media and sent an innocent note, inviting a conversation. Our dialogue started out fine as we traced the connections between us. But after a few rounds he said some things that made me uncomfortable. Now he’s asking if can come visit me in Madison over the summer.
Part of me is interested in meeting a long-lost relative. Plus, I don’t want to be impolite, given that I initiated contact. On the other hand, I keep thinking about the criminality in the family background. Is this guy part of that bloodline?
He’s waiting for my response. What should I do?
Descendant
Dear Descendant: Pay close attention to your discomfort. If you’re feeling weird vibes, you need to nip this thing in the bud.
In most cases I applaud politeness, but not here. DNA or no DNA, this guy is a stranger, and you don’t owe him anything. Safety first, Descendant.
Firmly tell your cousin that you’re interested in a face-to-face meeting. Or better yet, just don’t answer him. There’s no reason to extend a conversation that creeps you out.
While you’re at it, how about setting aside the genealogy hobby and focusing on the family members you know and love — the solid citizens?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com.
