Dear Tell All: I dread each holiday season and what it requires me to do. I am obligated to buy presents for my parents, grandparents, wife, friends, and select coworkers. I must do this despite the fact that I don’t make much money, having consciously decided to avoid a stressful fast-track career for a life of moderation and contentment. Every year the December gift-buying extravaganza blows a hole in my carefully planned budget and undermines my choice of a low-income, high-happiness lifestyle.
I have a young daughter and don’t begrudge buying Christmas presents for her. I love her sense of wonder when she sees her gifts on Christmas morning. To me, that’s what the holiday should be about: making kids happy. But I get no such thrill handing over presents to adults who don’t need them or care about them.
The same goes for receiving presents from fellow adults. I suspect they give presents to me just because they think I’m going to give presents to them. That’s certainly the only rationale behind my gift-giving — not wanting to be embarrassed if someone has a present to dump in my lap and I don’t have one to dump in theirs.
How can I call a truce? Is there a polite way to say that I don’t want to give or get presents this Christmas? In the past, I’ve had no luck in this regard even with my wife, who loves buying me elaborate holiday gifts even though we can’t afford it. So I buy her elaborate holiday gifts in return, getting no pleasure out of the exercise.
Pinched
Dear Pinched: For someone devoted to a “high-happiness lifestyle,” you sure sound miserable. The solution to your problem is less a budget adjustment than an attitude adjustment.
Start by focusing on the spirit of the holiday rather than its cost. You assume fellow adults give you presents just because they have to, but where’s your evidence? They might truly want to make you happy, as your wife does with her elaborate gifts.
You could take the same approach: thinking about what will delight your loved ones instead of resenting the money you spend on them. Plus, no law requires you to bust your budget. There are plenty of low-cost or even free gifts that will say “I Care About You” as powerfully as expensive ones do.
So take a cue from your daughter, Pinched, and try trading your sense of outrage for a sense of wonder. It’s your surest path to happiness this holiday season.
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