Dear Tell All: I just drove back to Madison after my high school reunion in Chicago, and I’m still trying to make sense of what happened.
Before the reunion, I got in touch with one of my best friends from those days — I’ll call him Mark. We were incredibly close as teenagers, or so I thought. Mark had a way of making me feel like his soulmate, with extravagant shows of affection. I noticed that he treated other people that way, too, but I never doubted his feelings about me.
We stayed in touch during college and our 20s, when both of us regularly visited our parents on vacations and holidays. We went to each other’s weddings but started to fall out of contact after having kids.
A few months before the reunion, I found Mark on Facebook, and we had a joyous exchange of messages. We caught up on work and family life and agreed to see each other in Chicago before the reunion event, so we’d have time to talk more intimately.
I arrived in Chicago and texted him, but got no reply. I called his cellphone and still got no answer. Finally, I showed up at the reunion and saw him on the other side of the room, talking animatedly with other classmates.
When we encountered each other he put on his usual show, giving me the soulmate treatment. But he’d just been giving others the same treatment. Plus, if he’s such a great friend of mine, why did he blow off our pre-reunion date?
Mark made no reference to breaking our engagement, but he did make a big deal about getting together the next day. I gave him the cold shoulder, at this point doubting his sincerity. I left Chicago without seeing him again.
It felt good to get back to my wife, my kids and my normal life in Madison. But I’ve started to feel guilty about snubbing Mark. Reunions are bound to have weird dynamics, and maybe I should let him off the hook for breaking our date. The alternative is sacrificing a friendship I’ve treasured for years.
Friend to the End
Dear Friend: I admire your tolerant impulse. Given Mark’s tendency to treat everyone as a soulmate, he most likely overcommitted himself prior to the reunion.
Don’t cross Mark off your list, but also don’t expect much out of him going forward. This line troubles me: “Mark made no reference to breaking our engagement.” That’s not the way a soulmate would behave. Mark seems like the type who wants to make everyone happy, and that means he’s going to leave most people disappointed — particularly someone like you who expects true friendship.
Focus on your wife, your kids and your “normal life in Madison” and stop fretting over Mark, at least until the next reunion comes around in 2026.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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