Dear Tell All: Ever since the elementary school playground, I’ve hated it when guys spit. And they do it a lot. To this day, I walk down the bike path in Madison and encounter one male after another hocking up saliva and blowing it out of his mouth. These cavemen don’t care that I’m passing by. They don’t care that I can hear the sickening sound, or that I might step in their bodily fluids.
What explains this shamelessness? Were they brought up badly? Do they lack empathy, unable to imagine how disgusting they appear to other people? Or is it society’s fault for not disapproving strongly enough?
I’ve never verbalized my hatred of spitting before, just privately cringed every time I’ve seen it. But recently the gross custom has hit close to home. I’ve started dating a guy who, like me, is a runner. We’ve gone jogging together a couple times, and on each occasion he’s spit right in front of me.
I don’t feel like I know him well enough to say “ewww” or “cut it out.” I also like him enough that I’m torn about what to do. Part of me never wants to see him again, but in other ways he seems like a great guy, and those don’t come around very often.
What would you do?
Queasy
Dear Queasy: I would say “ewww” or “cut it out.” You yourself complained about society not disapproving strongly enough, so here’s your chance to make the world a better place.
If the Spitter is a great guy in every other way, you should try to make it work with him, and that means confronting him about his bad habit. A relationship should be based on honesty, so you’re getting off on the wrong foot if you suppress your revulsion at his fluids. If he’s willing to listen to your point of view, he will have proven that he truly is great. If he isn’t, he will have proven that he’s the kind of guy you hate: one without empathy.
In which case I would jog away from him as fast as I could.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
