Dear Tell All: After a decade-long relationship, my sex life was petering out. I was becoming more focused on masturbating than on physical intimacy with my same-sex partner. Sex with him was wonderful in the early years — both exciting and emotionally satisfying. But we got into a rut, doing it the same way too many times.
I found myself watching more and more pornography in secret. I played out the most titillating scenarios in my head while my partner and I had sex, imagining myself in the middle of my favorite porn scenes. It helped turn me on in cases where it would otherwise be difficult to get and keep an erection.
A few months ago, my partner discovered my pornography habit. It was embarrassing, but he was understanding. We had long talks about why I did it, and he suggested that we watch porn together as a way to spice up our sex life.
To my delight, he got into it. I mean really got into it. He began acting out the fantasies we saw in the bedroom, from teacher/student to cowboy to cheating spouse. Coming from my normally reserved partner, it was shocking and, frankly, deeply erotic.
After a few months of this, I have the opposite problem: too good of a sex life. My partner wants to do it way more than I do, on an almost nightly basis. For someone like me, with a demanding job and early hours, this is too much to handle. I’m back to having a difficult time getting and keeping an erection — but this time out of pure exhaustion.
Don’t laugh at me, Tell All, but can you please tell me how to stop having the best sex of my life?
Depleted
Dear Depleted: I’m not laughing at you — I’m laughing with you. For you must surely see the humor in this situation. It’s practically a porn scenario in and of itself: the reserved partner turned into a raging sexaholic.
I’d be drummed out of the advice columnist union if I told you to stop having the best sex of your life, Depleted. Instead, I’ll provide a bit of perspective. This sexually heightened period will likely not go on forever. Flames dim; fevers subside. If I were you, I’d be grateful for this boost to your relationship while it lasts, and I’d make adjustments in your work and your lifestyle to accommodate it.
Even if things calm down, I’d urge you and your partner to continue your creative sexual explorations in the decades to come. Once a cowboy, always a cowboy — let’s hope!
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