Dear Tell All: I’ve been working at my current job since last spring and get along well with my co-workers. I often chat in the breakroom with a particularly nice woman in her 30s — I’ll call her Mary — who reminds me of my other Madison friends. She’s smart, witty and kind, with a tendency toward cynical wisecracks. She has a Ph.D. and grew up on the near west side.
When we were talking recently I noticed her wearing a cross necklace. I admit to being shocked. I assumed Mary was a secular humanist, like everyone else I know. We don’t go to church on Sunday mornings, but to brunch. We worship the omelets at Sardine; the Judeo-Christian God, not so much.
I went back to my desk and Googled Mary to see what I could find out. Sure enough, I discovered evidence of church membership and various good works done in a Christian spirit.
I admit that, since then, I’ve felt awkward around Mary. I find organized religion narrow-minded, and its history of atrocities is distressing. I’d felt that Mary and I were moving toward friendship and was considering asking her over for dinner. But now I question how much we’d have in common.
Is it a sin to assume the worst of a Christian?
Enlightenment Erin
Dear Erin: It is a sin, but in the spirit of the season I forgive you. To coin a phrase, you know not what you do. You clearly haven’t been to a church, synagogue or mosque in a while, so you have no idea how smart, witty and kind the people can be, just like your Madison friends. They attend for all sorts of reasons, and I assure you that the vast majority do not commit atrocities in the name of religion.
Take Mary, who spends her time doing good works. This is a reason to write her off as a friend? You say you’re offended by the narrow-mindedness of organized religion, Erin, but you appear to be the narrow-minded one in this case.
Whether you’re a believer or not, the holidays are as good a time as any to open your mind, as well as your heart. As a favor to me, please ask Mary over for dinner. It will restore my faith in humanity, not to mention secular humanism.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
