Dear Tell All: I worked in Madison for about a decade before moving to Chicago. I loved it at the time but haven’t been back because of a bad breakup. My old girlfriend still lives there, and I hate the thought of running into her. We had a passionate relationship that crashed and burned and left me emotionally shaken.
I was generally successful at putting her out of my mind, but now I’m in a perilous position. I have a chance to go back for a job. There are some good reasons for doing so: an excellent professional opportunity and a healthy place to raise my daughter.
There are also some good reasons for not going back: I don’t have any friends left there and, most important, I don’t want to run into my ex. Seeing her would stir up negative feelings about her and myself that I’d rather not face.
What would you do?
Torn
Dear Torn: I appreciate your dilemma. Given your experience, Madison attracts and repels you in equal measure. But after considering your letter, I vote for returning.
You’ve vividly described the emotional dangers of coming back. If they seemed insurmountable, however, you would have automatically crossed the city off your list. The fact that you’re still considering Madison tells me that, deep down, you believe you’re strong enough to confront the challenges.
I understand the awkwardness associated with seeing your ex around town. But I wouldn’t let her exert an inordinate amount of power over your life. If you like everything about Madison except her, then prove to yourself that your needs matter more than she does.
One worry you can cross off your list is having no friends in town. That will change when you begin meeting other Madisonians, particularly fellow parents. The Cheat Sheet didn’t vote us the #1 nicest city in America for nothing.
Let us know what you decide. Good luck!
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