Dear Tell All: My 18-year-old son is in the midst of his first serious relationship with a fellow 18-year-old. My wife and I like the girl, and we’re glad he’s finally getting some experience in the world of romance—a lot later than many of his friends.
During the first couple months of their relationship, we noticed that he kept looking for times when he and his girlfriend could have privacy in our house. On weekends, he casually inquired about when we were going out and when we’d be coming back. It seemed harmless enough to give them a chance to make out.
But recently our son made a more extravagant request. He asked if his girlfriend could spend the night, insisting that her parents said it would be okay with them.
My first impulse was to echo what my own parents would have said in this situation: absolutely not. It just seemed wrong to give high school students permission to spend the night together in our house. However, I started to wonder if this was irrational on my part. I know they’re having sex, wherever they can manage it; and I know they’re using birth control. Given that they’re technically adults, I’m okay with that — so why shouldn’t I be okay with making it easier for them to explore their sexuality?
I remember having some of my early sexual experiences in an uncomfortable car seat late at night in Hoyt Park, because I had to sneak around my parents. Should a more enlightened 21st century parent do his son a favor and allow him a more comfortable way to have sex with his girlfriend?
Parental Unit
Dear Parental Unit: This is one of the rare cases where I won’t hand down a decree. It really is your call on whether the girlfriend sleeps over, based on multiple factors.
It sounds like several of those factors point to “yes.” You like the girl; you’re tolerant of teenage sexuality; and you know they’re using protection.
If I were you, I’d also consider these questions: Are you sure the girl really wants to sleep at your house? Are you sure her parents approve, and would you feel okay talking to them about it? Will the young couple abide by whatever rules you set for the sleepover? Will you truly feel comfortable having the girl walking around your hallways at night and sitting at your breakfast table the next morning?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then by all means turn down your son’s request. But if you’re fairly certain that all will go well, I don’t see any rational reason to consign these 18-year-olds to a car seat in Hoyt Park.
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