With this week’s installment I sign off as Tell All, your friendly Madison advice columnist.
I’ve had a wonderful time answering your questions about foot fetishes, polygamy and cross-dressing, though I admit it’s been intense. Anybody who dispenses strong opinions under a pseudonym is bound to get strong opinions in response. For example, commenting on my first column (“Who Are Madison’s Sexiest Politicians?” 2/26/2009), a guy named Steve suggested I would “be more productive driving a bus.”
I didn’t mind the insult directed at me, but I did mind the insult directed at local bus drivers. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last 10 years, it’s that’s Madisonians of all kinds — yes, Steve, even bus drivers — have real insight into life and love in this town. Above all, the column was a showcase for their perceptive letters, usually about issues specific to our time and place.
Readers weighed in on the questionable fashion sense of UW-Madison students, the ill-fated human-contact emporium called the Snuggle House, and the hyper-sexy dancing at Madison high schools. They speculated about the love lives of such local figures as conservative blogger Ann Althouse, charming NBC 15 anchor Leigh Mills and scandalous Olympic runner Suzy Favor Hamilton.
They asked endearing questions about conducting a Madison-based romance: Where’s the best place to propose to my girlfriend? Should I ask a date to the Naked Bike Ride? How can a guy with allergies find a near-east-side woman without cats? Readers proved they have love on the brain at all times, whether walking a dog at Quann Park, riding on the southwest commuter bike path or strolling down State Street.
In darker moods, they deplored local women with tattoos, local men in biker silks and Madison’s custom of mandatory hugging.
On some topics, the letters traced a historical progression. In 2010 I published “I Give Up on Gay Rights in the United States”; in 2011 “Wisconsin Sucks for Gays”; in 2012 “It’s Still No Fun to Be Gay”; and in 2013 “Gay Guy Leaving Wisconsin for Minnesota.” How nice to see a turnaround after 2014’s legal victory for gays, prompting letters—“Marriage Is Bogus,” “Why Gays Should Marry”—that delved into Wisconsin’s brand-new same-sex marriage rights.
State politics weighed heavily on readers’ minds over the past decade, even in the context of an advice column. A liberal woman felt guilty about her dreams of having sex with Gov. Scott Walker. Other liberals hooted at Lt. Gov. Rebecca Kleefisch when she compared same-sex marriage to people marrying tables and clocks. A lovestruck activist plotted to pick up an attractive woman at the 2011 Capitol rallies, wondering how to start a conversation.
Through all these trials and tribulations, I hope readers could tell how much I enjoyed interacting with the local folks who wrote in, including those who disagreed with me. I learned something from every perspective.
As for what I’ll do next, I plan to attend to my own romantic life rather than obsessing on everyone else’s. I’ll need to find some other way to make a living, of course, but I’m not sure what job opportunities are open to ex-advice columnists.
I’m leaning toward driving a Metro Transit bus.
Thanks for reading, and best of luck with your lives and loves!
