Dear Tell All: I'm a happily married man who doesn't wear a wedding ring. There's no significant reason why I don't wear one: I'd just never worn jewelry before I got married, and I saw no reason to start. I also don't like automatically following conventions just because everybody thinks you should. Spending thousands of dollars on a ring I didn't care about felt unnecessary, and my wife went along with me.
It's never been a problem until a recent incident. I had lunch with a woman I'd hadn't met before for business purposes. We're about the same age, and we hit it off beautifully, talking way past the expected hour-long mark. I thought that, along with cementing a business relationship, I might have made a new friend.
Imagine my surprise when I got back to my office and found a long email waiting for me from this woman. It was marginally related to business, but with all sorts of cute, funny references to things we'd talked about at lunch. In other words, flirting.
I realized two things: 1) I hadn't mentioned that I had a wife, even though we'd talked about personal matters at lunch. 2) She saw my ring-free finger and assumed I was single. So while I considered our quick intimacy a sign of potential friendship, she considered it a sign of potential romance.
Here are my questions: Am I obligated to tell this woman that I'm married, even though I barely know her, and even though we're presumably just business associates? If so, how do I broach such a delicate subject without making it seem like I'm assuming she's interested in me, when she actually might not be? Should I cancel plans to go out to lunch with her again, out of respect for my wife?
Unavailable
Dear Unavailable: I'm going to make this whole thing real easy by ignoring all your questions and answering a question you didn't even ask: Yes, you should buy a damn wedding ring!
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
