Dear Tell All: My wife had mostly been with women when I met her, but considered herself bisexual. We met through a Madison organization that was doing an anti-military protest in northern Wisconsin, then fell in love. It wasn’t easy for her to give up on women, but she did it for me, and I appreciated the sacrifice. She appreciated me for my strong commitment to feminism and other progressive causes.
Our sex life has always been good. I try to be as sensitive as I can to sexual politics in the bedroom, because it’s a delicate subject for her. I’m respectful of her needs and never selfish — the opposite of the traditional male approach. I’ve always felt the necessity of making up for millennia of loathsome chauvinist behavior. Yes, that can be a burden! But anything less would surely damage our relationship, which is founded on complete egalitarianism.
Both my wife and I have been horrified by the political rise of Donald Trump, and both of us are volunteering for Hillary Clinton. As a result, the presidential campaign drew us closer — that is, until the Trump “Access Hollywood” video was released. My wife was so revolted by Trump’s boasts about groping women that she’s recoiled from having sex with me since early October. Every time I express interest she brings up the tape and how sickening men can be.
Thus far I’ve given her space and haven’t pressed it. But I’m worried about how long this might go on. I feel like I’ve spent years earning my wife’s trust, and Donald Trump has torn us apart in a matter of days.
I am not Trump-like in any way, but I feel like I’m paying the price for his appalling campaign. How can I heal my marriage in this toxic environment?
Enlightened Male
Dear Male: Post-election, the whole country will require healing. But in your case, I think it will be relatively easy. Trump will fade from the scene, giving you a chance to woo back your wife with your sensitive ways.
Plus, think how great the makeup sex will be when the first woman assumes the presidency.
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