Dear Tell All: I consider myself a feminist. I believe that women should be strong and dignified, and I won't stand for anything less than complete equality between the sexes. But these beliefs don't extend to the bedroom, at least in my current relationship.
My partner is a feminist himself, like every man I've ever been involved with. But in bed, he likes all sorts of kinky playacting. This didn't emerge until our relationship was firmly established. Things were pretty normal for the first couple years, but then he began to shyly ask if I could use a breathy little-girl voice when talking to him in bed, similar to Marilyn Monroe. I wasn't exactly thrilled to adopt this persona, but I tried it, since he asked so nicely.
Well, you wouldn't believe the effect this had on our sex. My partner went wild — and he hadn't really been the going-wild type. So that was a positive development, and it encouraged me to keep doing the little-girl voice, despite my reservations.
Lately, though, he's been pushing me to go a bit farther. He wants me to say certain things — which I won't repeat here, but you can be sure they're things a feminist woman isn't normally comfortable saying. He also wants me to dress up in clothes that, let's just say, would be demeaning to wear in public.
As you can see, I'm conflicted about this whole thing. I'm happy to make my partner sexually excited, and his excitement usually makes me excited, too. But I also have a strong desire to maintain my dignity and not be degraded. Can I be a feminist and do what he wants?
Baby Doll
Dear Baby Doll:
But I don't claim to be the final authority here. Readers, do you condone Baby Doll's bedroom behavior?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.