Art by David Michael Miller
2017 was a year of constant calamity. Horrific mass shootings. Shattering earthquakes and ravaging storms: Harvey. Irma. Maria. Donald.
As our climate reacts to decades of abuse, our politics are degraded, our values defiled. The president lashes out at movie stars and his own FBI while stirring up potential crises all over the globe. Evidence of criminality by his team of swamp dwellers mounts by the day. It’s ugly.
Perhaps worst of all is how Trump manages to suck the oxygen from the room, elbowing aside other news as he careens toward the spotlight. Stuff happens that nobody notices. For instance, on Jan. 19, the day before Trump’s Inauguration, news broke that an Irish farmer proposed to his girlfriend by painting “Marry me?” on the side of a cow. (She said yes.)
A whole lotta things happened in 2017 besides Donald Trump. Credible allegations of sexual harassment toppled Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Garrison Keillor, John Conyers and Al Franken. Yes, in 2017 there was Trump and sexual comeuppance, just not together.
Some great people died this year: Fats Domino. Chuck Berry. Al Jarreau. Gregg Allman. Tom Petty. Mary Tyler Moore. Sam Shepard. Jimmy Breslin. Dick Gregory. Jerry Lewis. We also lost Hugh Hefner and Charlie Manson.
Closer to home, Wisconsin continued its star turn, for better and (mostly) worse, in the national spotlight, with Paul Ryan clinging to the firmament as Reince Priebus crashed and burned. Our only governor sought to revive his sagging approval numbers following his disastrous 2016 presidential bid, presumably so he can someday run again. And Madison, as always, struggled to reconcile its image as a progressive haven with its reality as a place that is as indifferent to injustice as anywhere else.
In was, in short, another good year for Cheap Shots, Isthmus’ annual tradition of delivering low blows to worthy recipients. Let’s get to it.
Chameleon of the Year: Scott Walker
Wisconsin’s Republican governor did everything he could this year to make people forget the things he did before. His proposed budget hiked spending for public schools and state universities, which he earlier placed on the chopping block. He lavished attention on rural areas, which he once ignored to the point of rejecting federal funding for improvements. As one Democratic lawmaker cracked, “It’s like an arsonist lighting a fire and coming back six years later with a hose.” Walker’s approval ratings rebounded slightly, but still stayed south of 50 percent. Who’s hosing who?
Oddest Use of Tax Dollars: Brad Schimel
Wisconsin’s Republican attorney general has repeatedly drawn the state into ideological fights, defending gerrymandering, suing the EPA over its Clean Water Plan, and seeking new restrictions on abortion. That isn’t surprising for a partisan elected official in a hyper-partisan political environment. More astonishing was his decision to blow $10,000 on 2,000 tokens bearing his name and the initials “K.A.E.D.,” which stand for “Kicking Ass Every Day.” In fact, Schimel has spent at least $83,000 on promotional swag, also including pistol cases and custom-made fortune cookies. And yeah, like most office holders, he often grouses about a shortage of funds. New slogan: S.O.F.E.D., “Shooting Own Foot Every Day.”
“Let Them Eat Death” Insensitivity Award:
Ron Johnson
Wisconsin’s ultra-rich U.S. senator didn’t mince words, or display ordinary human decency, when asked at a public forum this fall whether he thought health care was a right. “I think it’s probably more of a privilege,” he replied, lumping it in with such other frills as (his words) “food,” “clothing” and “shelter.”Aside from life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, he said, “everything else is a limited resource that we have to use our opportunities given to us so we can afford those things.” Ron Johnson’s most limited resource is compassion.
Biggest Idiot: Sean Duffy
Here’s what this Wisconsin congressman, a former reality TV star, said during an interview with CNN: “Just look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist who took her life, a leftist guy. And now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America, burning and beating people with Donald Trump hats.” First, Giffords, a member of Congress shot in the head in 2011, is still alive, and making a great deal more sense than Duffy. Second, the man who shot her was, The Guardian reported, an anti-government conservative “prone to right-wing rants.” And third, in what world exactly are people being beaten and burned en masse for wearing Trump hats? If Sean Duffy were any dumber, he could run for president.
Climate Denier of the Year: Wisconsin DNR
The agency charged with protecting the state’s natural resources showed how far it has fallen, seeking to kill off its popular, self-supporting truth-based magazine and scrubbing its website of accurate language on global warming. Instead of acknowledging that climate change is caused by human activity, the DNR now claims the reasons “are being debated.” So is the DNR’s integrity.
Throwback Award: Jesse Kremer
This Republican lawmaker from Kewaskum is known for pushing far-right legislation, like bills to allow concealed weapons on campuses and bar students from using bathrooms that match their gender identity. But the depth of his extremism was never more apparent than when he was asked this year whether a bill he authored to regulate campus speech might prevent a professor from correcting a student who claimed the Earth is only 6,000 years old. “The Earth is 6,000 years old,” Kremer replied. “That’s a fact.” Holy Schmoly.
Capitulators of the Year: UW Board of Regents
Within the university community and throughout the state, Kremer’s bill to require UW System schools to punish students who disrupt political speakers stirred considerable debate. After it passed the state Assembly, the Regents, nearly all of whom are Walker appointees, stepped into the fray — and adopted an internal policy that did almost everything the lawmakers wanted, including mandatory expulsion for three-time offenders. Way to stick up for academic freedom!
Melting Snowflake Award: Dale Kooyenga
So offended was this Republican lawmaker from Brookfield to see a sign in the state Capitol that he claimed said “Damn All Republicans” and referred to party members as “gropers” that he walked off with it. The sign, actually, had called President Trump “a confessed serial groper” and chided “WE THE PEOPLE BE DAMNED!” Kooyenga apologized for taking the sign but not for protecting children from seeing the words “groper” and “damned.” Wonder how he feels about letting kids watch the president?
Brown-Noser of the Year: Reince Priebus
In June, the former state and national GOP chair who became Trump’s chief of staff found himself at a Cabinet meeting where the assembled took turns praising their maximum leader, using words like “the greatest privilege of my life.” Priebus groveled to the occasion, telling the president, “We thank you for the opportunity and the blessing to serve your agenda.” A few weeks later, after being booted from the job, he was still at it, bleating “I’m always going to be a Trump fan. I’m on Team Trump.” Yep, and Trump is always going to be on Team “I Don’t Give a Hoot About Reince.”
Brown-Noser Runner-up: Leah Vukmir
This Republican state senator now vying for the right to challenge Democratic U.S. Sen. Tammy Baldwin wants people to know that she just loves the genital-grabber-in-chief. She really, really likes him, even though he wasn’t her first or even second choice to be the party’s nominee. “The voters know I have been a supporter of Donald Trump,” she told the Associated Press. In a fundraising letter, she vowed, “When I get to Washington, conservative change WILL happen. I will stand with President Trump to get Wisconsinites — and all Americans — the policies they voted for.” Maybe. Just don’t expect him to stand with you.
Bannon’s Boy Award: Kevin Nicholson
Vukmir’s rival for the Republican nomination for Senate is a one-time Democrat and lifetime opportunist. He even rescinded his support for the GOP’s current congressional leadership in order to win the endorsement of white supremacist darling Steve Bannon. Nicholson is so proud of this support he launched a digital ad tying his fortunes to “Steve Bannon and the conservative movement.” His campaign wouldn’t discuss this, saying, “We don’t comment on internal strategy or the strategy of those who support us.” That’s OK, we can: Their strategy is to elect shocktroopers for Bannon’s declared “season of war on the GOP establishment.”
Trump Imitator of the Year: Robin Vos
Wisconsin’s Assembly speaker was once “embarrassed” to have Trump as his party’s presidential nominee, but soon came around to being “proud” of this. Now he seems to be channeling the object of his affection in making public displays of petulance, like when he called Senate members of his own party “terrorists” for brokering budget deals with the governor. Vos also reportedly “got into a tussle” with Ohio’s GOP governor, John Kasich, accusing him of disloyalty for opposing the use of partisan redistricting to tilt elections. It’s an easy call whether such behavior should make us proud, or embarrassed.
George Orwell Revisionist History Award: Right Wisconsin
By the way, Vos’ statement about candidate Trump — “I’m embarrassed that he’s leading our ticket” — was made in an open letter published on this conservative website, which proclaims that it “is not about advancing political careers or even a political party, but about advancing ideas.” Look for Vos’ letter now and it’s gone. Disappeared. Just like the credibility of Right Wisconsin’s proclamation.
Anti-Environmentalists of the Year: GOP Lawmakers
This year, the Republicans who control the state Legislature pushed bills to roll back protections for well water, wetlands, and air quality; they even repealed a moratorium on mining that once enjoyed Scott Walker’s support. The great Wisconsin environmentalist Aldo Leopold famously observed, “A thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability, and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise.” Viewed in this light, or any other, the Republicans who control the state Legislature are wrong.
She’s Got Game Award: Tammy Baldwin
It’s a hard argument to make that the yahoos of Wisconsin don’t have enough animals to kill. Just this year, the state Legislature passed a year-round hunting and trapping season on woodchucks, with no bag limit. Woodchucks! And yet, early this year, Wisconsin’s Democratic U.S. senator joined Ron Johnson in seeking the removal of federal protections for Great Lakes States gray wolves, in part because, as she put it, “wildlife enthusiasts report declines in the population of deer, elk and other wildlife” because of wolf competition. Poor babies!
Oddest Perceived State Problem: Unarmed Toddlers
Okay, so our GOP-dominated Legislature largely dropped the ball when it came to doing stuff like creating jobs, protecting the environment, or improving public health and safety. But it did score one major win by torpedoing the requirement that hunters need to be at least 10 years old. Within a few weeks, the state had issued more than 60 mentored-hunting licenses to children under 5, including 10 to infants under 1. Praise the NRA!
Biggest Blowhard: Daniel Zimmerman
Clinching this fiercely competitive category is the state Department of Veteran Affairs’ new secretary, who seems largely untroubled by indications that his agency has abused and neglected veterans but worked himself into a froth over people who have a problem with public tributes to the South’s historic commitment to slavery. In a letter to his hometown paper, Zimmerman ripped “black-hooded, bandana-clad thugs” who seek to “sanitize our history” by calling for the removal of Confederate monuments and statues. “Outrage has replaced honesty,” he lectured. “Diversity reigns supreme as long as it isn’t that pesky diversity of thought.” And blowhards blow hard wherever they blow.
Scapegoats of the Year: Food Stamp Recipients
How do you get away with giving a $3 billion state handout to a foreign company with a history of breaking promises and exploiting workers to the point of suicide? One way is to stir up public resentment against other targets, like people who need help to eat. This year, Gov. Walker and the Legislature expanded work requirements for FoodShare recipients (which had already led to more than 60,000 people losing the food assistance for which they qualify) while pushing a plan to subject them to drug testing. If there’s anything Wisconsin Republicans can’t stand, it’s foreign companies lapping billions from the public trough. Kidding! It’s poor people getting a helping hand.
See No Evil Award: State Juvenile Prison
In February 2012, a circuit court judge sent Gov. Walker a memo alerting him to grave problems at the state’s Lincoln Hills School for boys; it was ignored. More specific problems came to light beginning in the fall of 2014, including revelations that some young inmates had their bones broken by guards. An internal investigation was launched, followed by state and federal probes; little has come of them, other than news that two guards are targets. This June, a judge ordered the facility to stop its wholesale use of pepper spray, restraints and solitary confinement. That same month, Walker sprang into action — shutting down an internal affairs unit that had helped expose problems at the facility. Problems at the prison persist, as does the apparent indifference.
Sexual Harassment Enablers of the Year: State Legislature
What are the chances, really, that the Wisconsin Legislature, alone among American institutions (from Fox News to NPR to Hollywood to Congress), has responded appropriately to allegations of sexual harassment by its members? Pretty slim, right? And yet legislative leaders from both parties are taking a “just trust us” stance on this issue, refusing to release records of complaints and investigations, except for one handled by a less-secretive state agency that led to a $75,000 settlement. There are at least three other acknowledged complaints that the Legislature is covering up — along with records that might reveal its own failure to act. Deplorable.
Most Valuable Guardians of Police Accountability: Tort Lawyers
The answer to the question “Who is policing the police?” is not the people charged with doing so, like the mayor, Common Council and Police and Fire Commission. And it sure as heck isn’t the police. The true proponents of more enlightened policing are the lawyers who sue when cops screw up. In February, the city agreed to pay $3.35 million to settle a lawsuit over the fatal shooting of Tony Robinson, an unarmed black man. In July, a jury awarded $7 million in damages after finding that Madison police used unreasonable force in killing 26-year-old Ashley DiPiazza for holding a gun to her own head. That makes at least three times in recent years that lawyers managed to obtain money — i.e., impose consequences — over police shootings that the system deemed were just fine. Let’s hope these successes result in fewer opportunities to sue.
Most Un-Incompetent Politician: Joe Parisi
Move over “No Drama Obama,” this guy is a genius when it comes to not doing stupid shit. He’s been Dane County executive since 2011, after stints as county clerk and a Democratic state lawmaker, and he never seems to make a fool himself. This year, he expanded the county’s commitment to mental-health services, opened a new bike trail, and worked to support local immigrants. There was no scandal. No intrigue. No screw-ups. Even his “Suck the Muck” initiative to remove sediment from the lakes was remarkably free of rakeable muck, which for a Cheap Shot writer sucks. What is wrong with this guy? Seriously, please let us know.
Defecate or Vacate the Commode Award:Paul Soglin
Madison’s lovable grouch of a mayor announced in June that he would decide “sometime around Labor Day” whether to seek the Democratic nomination for governor. In late October, he said he would “mostly likely” join the crowded field for the job, with an announcement “after the first of the year.” Soglin has many qualities that would make him an attractive candidate; “decisive” is not one of them.
Anti-Christ of the Year: Robert Morlino
Madison’s ultra-conservative bishop proved that, even in the Age of Trump, he still has the ability to shock the ol’ conscience with how mean he can be. His diocese issued guidelines to restrict when priests can perform funeral rites for gay people based on such considerations as whether they had refrained from promoting “the gay lifestyle” or shown “some signs of repentance before death.” An old rejoinder asks the question, “Is the Pope Catholic?” For Madison-area Catholics, a better question is, “Is Bishop Morlino a Christian”?
In Memoriam
Cecilia Zárate-Laun: Most people agree on the importance of human rights, but few did as much about it as Cecilia, a native Colombian who served on the national board of directors of the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom, among other work. In 1987, she and husband Jack Laun founded the Madison-based Colombia Support Network, which established mutually beneficial ties between the two counties and helped set the stage for a landmark peace agreement in Colombia in late 2016. She died of cancer a few months later in February at age 71.
Brent Nicastro
Ed Garvey: He once headed the union that represented professional football players. He ran as a progressive Democrat for U.S. Senate and governor. He founded Fighting Bob Fest and the website FightingBob.com. He was a rabble rouser and raconteur. He fought for what he thought was right, with grace and humor. Even his political rivals respected him. He was a dear man. He died of Parkinson’s in February at age 76. For as long as he’s remembered — which will be a long, long time — he will be missed.
Andy Manis
Cheri Maples: If you just toss out some descriptors, it soon becomes clear how extraordinary a person she was: Vegetarian. Lesbian. Buddhist. Progressive. Attorney. Cop. Maples, who died in July at age 64, 10 months after a catastrophic bicycle accident, was a person of deep conviction and uncommon courage. She often served as an inside agitator at the institutions for which she worked, including the Madison Police Department, state Department of Corrections, and Attorney General’s office, pushing them to be better. Her example should stand as our challenge.
Brent Nicastro
Ed Durkin: He served 34 years with the Madison Fire Department, including heading the firefighters union and six years as chief, until his retirement in 1985. He helped lead a strike against the department in the first capacity and recruited the department’s first female firefighters in the second. Afterward, he became a peace activist, running Madison’s Link Friendship House and the local American-Soviet Friendship Society. He died in October at age 88, Dave Zweifel noted, “in the arms of his wife of 65 years, Winnie.” Rest in Peace, Ed. Rest in peace.
Austin Anderson
Harry Whitehorse: At the first Art Fair on the Square nearly 60 years ago, this Ho-Chunk artist put up a most unusual sign. Instead of the usual admonition to keep hands off, Whitehorse urged attendees to “Please Touch” his sculptures and paintings, both of which won awards. “He wanted people to experience” his work, recalled his wife Deb after he died in late November at age 90. More than a half-dozen examples of Whitehorse’s art are on public display in the Madison area, where his family has deeper roots than just about anyone, and throughout the state and world. Harry Whitehorse left his mark on everything, and everyone, he touched.
--B.L.
